


some things to say

by fefedove



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Cross-Post, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 14:23:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7226023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fefedove/pseuds/fefedove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Sehun still thinks of a certain Huang Zitao</p>
            </blockquote>





	some things to say

**Author's Note:**

> references at the end

Sehun gazes adoringly at the small virtual hearts that fill his phone screen.

Tap tap

Heart

Tap tap

Heart

Tap tap

Heart

Tap –

There’s a loud crash, a roar of anger and annoying giggles. Sehun’s head snaps up toward the source of the chaos while his finger repeatedly taps the home button on his phone (so fast and so furiously that his phone freezes and restarts).

A head peeks into room and Sehun throws his phone down into his lap. But he really doesn’t need to be so nervous, because all Chanyeol says is, “Come on! Stop being a loser and come plaaaaay!”

Sehun throws a pillow at Chanyeol’s head and growls, “Leave me alone!”

The intruder exits and Sehun returns to what his previous task: scrolling through Instagram. He’s using his secret account, one with a username similar enough to his real one that people would think he’s just a Sehun-biased fan. But if one follows him, they’d realize that he’s actually a Hailang, because all he ever does on this account is:

Like hztttao’s pictures

Comment on hztttao’s pictures

Report the haters on hztttao’s pictures

 

With a practiced flick of his forefinger, a picture of Zitao and Candy (Kandy) comes into view. Sehun smiles lovingly at the picture and emits a coo, ignoring the twinge in his heart. The two of them are as cute as ever.

He taps twice and then types, “taotao, your daughter is so cute kekekeke ily”

Content with his comment, he sends it and logs out of the account, erasing all traces of his actions.

 

Despite his efforts, it’s not a secret among the other members that Exo maknae Oh Sehun is ex-Exo member Huang Zitao aka Z.TAO's biggest fanboy. It worked in the beginning, probably, but at some point, the others realized that the taohun ship of yonder times was still going strong, even if it was now a one-man ship.

Maybe it was when Sehun forgot to plug in his headphones and “Whaddup Z.Tao” blasted in the silent van after a show recording. (It was Wiz Khalifa’s voice, but that didn’t change anything.)

Maybe it was when Sehun accidentally said “T-A-O” instead of “E-X-O” during practice. (Thank god the manager wasn’t there.)

Maybe it was when Baekhyun stole Sehun’s phone and saw that the lockscreen was a selca with Tao that had been deleted off Instagram.

Maybe it was when Sehun was pissed and moody for the entire day and no one could guess why until Yixing checked weibo and saw Tao was trending because news came out that he pretended to be sick as an excuse for bad singing. 

So the members pretended they didn’t notice when Sehun suddenly craved for bugles, and when he _sneakily_ bought the Grazia magazine with (seductive kind-of-shirtless) Tao on the cover, and all the other times Sehun not-so-discreetly followed Tao’s news.

 

It’s kind of cute, Junmyeon thinks. He‘d do the same if he isn’t the leader and it’s not so risky. But he worries too. What if Zitao has forgotten all about Sehun (and the other members)? Which isn’t likely, but still! What if Zitao associates them with the company and wiped it all clean? What if Zitao only has bad memories of Korea and moved on already?

What if Zitao is doing the same as Sehun, but Sehun will never know?

He confides to Yixing, but the other just shrugs. “The last time we talked was to say happy birthday,” he says. “It’s awkward with all of them now. Even with Lu . . .”

 

It’s a week later when Sehun randomly decides to watch an episode of Running Man China. He tells the members that it’s for learning Chinese and he's already watched all episodes of Go Fighting season one and two. He tells himself that he’s watching it for Luhan, his best friend and favorite hyung for so many years. But really, he knows that it’s to take his mind off the music video of the King of Cpop’s new heart wrenching and bittersweet song about young love at nineteen years old.

He knows it’s not about him, but anyway . . .

The show starts introducing one of the guests, including clips of him on other variety shows.

Beside the guest, wearing traditional Chinese clothing, smiling his typical adorable smile.

Sehun bolts straight up, grabbing his laptop and slamming down on the pause button. And he stares at

Huang Zi-fucking-tao.

He stares because the man looks so damn fine.

He knows what show the clip is from (because he’s seen every variety show the man has been on) and he was already thinking of the man when the guest was first introduced.

But he still feels so attacked because he’s trying so hard to forget and move on or whatever (ignoring the fact that he stalks a certain Instagram page. And Weibo and YouTube and . . .) but Huang Zi-fucking-tao just has to show up everywhere. This is Running Man China! Huang Zitao is not one of the cast members! He is not one of the guests! Why the fuck is he here?!

(He might be overreacting, but do rap gods give a da- oh, wait no, shit, wrong, don’t do that to yourself, Sehun.)

He replays the short clip and then pauses, returning to his previous action of staring.

He glares at the man because he’s offended, but then softens because the man is too cute.

Sehun’s mouse hovers over the play/pause button. He really should press it and keep going to “practice Chinese” (and watch Luhan hyung!) but he also wants to go crazy. He’s battled to the ground by this sudden attack and –

“You should just call him.”

Sehun yelps and starts spewing curses at the intruder until he realizes it’s, “Oh, Junmyeon hyung, hi.” He settles back into the couch and squirms when Junmyeon settles down beside him.

“I know you miss him,” the older says, eyeing the laptop. “We all do.”

“Well, yeah,” Sehun replies nonchalantly, as if he wasn’t just dying a few seconds ago. But then he makes the mistake of looking Junmyeon in the eye, because the man’s gaze is too much and Sehun caves in.

He misses Zitao. They never stated clearly what their relationship was, but whether they were best friends, brothers, lovers, soulmates, whatever, Sehun _misses_ Huang Zitao.

Craves his presence, thirsts after it, hungers for it.

 

“It makes me sad,” he admits. “Not because he left. Well, I mean yeah, there’s that, but it’s sad that he was never taken seriously here. He was always known as the wushu panda, known for crying and being a diva, but that isn’t him! We all made fun of him when he sang, but he has such a nice voice. And he never let me listen to any of the songs he wrote. We’ve known each other for all these years and I never knew he could do _so_ much.” Sehun pauses, chewing on his lips.

“And all the hate that he receives, even when he was still with us, but there’s more now, they just piss me off so much. I wish I can say something, but I obviously can’t.” He trails off, only able to make desperate hand gestures.

Other than his secret Instagram account with around ten followers, he has no way to speak up. And it’s stifling.

Junmyeon smiles in sympathy and understanding. “Call him,” he suggests again.

“No.”

“Do it!”

“No,” Sehun moans.

But he doesn’t protest when Junmyeon pulls him off the couch and drags him into his room.

 

Sehun sits cross-legged on the bed and gazes helplessly at his phone. Is he really going to call Tao? Are they seriously going to . . . talk? About what? Is it going to be dramatic? Is he going to cry? Holy crap, he can’t cry that’ll be embarrassing oh my god this is nerve wracking omg what if he hangs up OMGGGG

Taking a deep breath, he selects the number Tao used when M had activities in China.

He holds his breath, but lets it all out in a disappointed whoosh when he hears, “The number you are trying to reach does not exist.”

It’s okay.

There’s still . . .

Gnawing on his lower lip, he continues scrolling down the contact list until he finds the other number. The one Tao gave him during their Qingdao trip.

“Call this when your dumb butt can’t find me again,” Zitao had said when Sehun got lost after buying a bottle of water.

He wonders if it still applies now when he can’t find the other.

 

His heart pounds with every ring of the phone.

Then the call connects.

“ _Wei_?”

His heart stops. _That voice_. It sends waves of tingles in Sehun’s stomach and he wants to cry and laugh and scream.

“Sehun?”

He chokes. (Damn caller ID’s.)

“H-hi T-tao,” he says smoothly.

“Hi.”

“How are you?” He curses mentally. They’ve never been so awkward before, not even during their first meeting when Tao could barely speak Korean.

“I’m good,” Tao replies with a light laugh. It’s soft, but it’s enough to make Sehun grin like mad. “I’m in the hotel right now.”

“Oh.” Sehun wipes the grin off his face, clears his throat and tries to converse less awkwardly. “Your hair for the film fest was on point.”

A surprised sound comes from the other end of the call. “You look at my pictures?” 

“No!” Sehun protests immediately. “No way! I was looking at pictures of the film fest for uh . . . Jackie Chan. And Kris hyung. His movies have cooler cast than you . . .”

Zitao laughs and Sehun realizes how much he has missed that. Missed having Zitao laugh because of him, missed having Zitao laugh at him. “But I’m the most attractive.”

“No, you’re still ugly,” Sehun replies without missing a beat, and it’s like the good old days.

When the laughter dies down, Zitao says, “The new MVs are weird. Well no, Monster is nice but I don’t understand Lucky One at all. But you have more lines. It’s good.”

Sehun blushes. “Y-yeah,” he says, back to stuttering. “And you too. I mean, you get to make your own music and be all swaggy now. Oh, let me count all the titles you’ve given yourself.” Sehun falls onto his bed and starts listing. “Sovereign-”

“Of the world,” Zitao adds.

“Rap god, king of cpop, underground king, lord of memes-”

Zitao cuts him off with an indignant whine.

With a laugh, Sehun says, “But seriously, since when did you become so-”

“Amazing? I’ve always been this amazing!” Zitao declares. “You just never appreciated me,” he sniffs in mock offense, but it still hits Sehun in the gut. 

“You’re going to watch my movie, right?” Sehun asks, swiftly changing the topic.

“Of course. And you’ll watch mine, right? All three of them?”

Sehun scoffs. “I’m going to watch them online. Illegally.”

“How rude,” Zitao gasps dramatically. “I thought we were friends.”

Sehun makes a noise in an alien language only the two of them can understand and they settle into comfortable silence. It feels surreal to be able to hear Zitao's steady breathing.

 

Then, from the other end of the call comes, “I miss you . . . guys.”

Hearing that, Sehun gathers courage from an unknown place and asks, “Did you hear my open letter to you? The last line? From that one show?” The last time he mentioned the other in public?

“Yes,” Zitao’s soft voice travels clearly to Sehun’s ears.

“Okay.” He’s not really sure why he asked now.

“Say it again.”

Sehun chokes. “Why?” he whines.

“I want to hear you say it again,” Zitao whines back.

Sehun’s face reddens to an impossible shade, but he still utters, “ _Wo ai ni, Tao._ ”

“ _Wo yi zhi dou ai ni, sha gua_ Sehun.”

That’s not the response he’s looking for (although, what was he looking for?) but Sehun positively dies.

 

“Okay, and real question. Is your dog aka my goddaughter’s name spelled with a freaking C or K? Because it’s really confusing and _not_ funny!”

 

* * *

 

 notes:

 

*[Whaddup Z.tao](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jALFdV9lLl8) 

*there are so many crazy accusations. i just chose a random one

*[bugles](http://biiloved.tumblr.com/post/140688936255)

*grazia: [x](http://biiloved.tumblr.com/post/134593357380) [x](http://biiloved.tumblr.com/post/135020187881)

*[King of Cpop’s new heart wrenching and bittersweet song about young love at nineteen years old](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvRvPmX7FrE)

*[episode of Running Man China](https://youtu.be/lofMtoJ_Xm8?t=292)

*[what show the clip is from](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0Hbm-oc-8s) (i appear in this for like 2 secs lmao)

*[do rap gods give a damn](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJyic7firrI)

*wei - what you say when answering the phone

*[film fest](http://biiloved.tumblr.com/post/145774543135) (yes wyf was there too)

*movies - edge of innocence, railroad tigers (with jackie chan), the game changer

*[sovereign of the world](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMKV1AQVB58)

*lord of memes - antis make fun of him using his derp pics as memes, but then hls started using them... and then tao held a meme contest and was judge

*I love you, Tao

*I've always loved you, dumb Sehun.

 


End file.
